I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
