i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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