I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
