Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
