are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
