Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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