You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
