This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
