apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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