He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
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the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
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Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize