dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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