Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
