JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
