dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
