Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
