I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
