When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
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He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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