Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
