Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
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Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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