Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
birth control should be required to get into college
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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