I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
