turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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