no, he came in my armpit
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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