It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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