so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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