Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
