Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
