I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
