you have to choose: penises or morals?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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