Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
