Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
