She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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