it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
