I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
