I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
