I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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