i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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