it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
