Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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