After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
