So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
