Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
