I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
