it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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