So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
