Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
