I just saw a hot homeless man
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
