I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
