Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
