one might say we're banned from that church
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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