I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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