as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
