The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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