You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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