She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
