My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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