I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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