I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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