Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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