am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
