Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
