Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
