I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The air taste purple.
Randomize
