my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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