My sheets look like a crime scene.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
