I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
