I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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