Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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