I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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