The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
