Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
