Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hippo gnu deer
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
