Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
