I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
