the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
